Saturday, August 2, 2008

Am I Bad ??

i have tons of friend , and i like to make friends with everybody (altho im not very friendly)..doesn't matter where he or she came from , what their relegious are, skinny or fat , beautiful or not , white people - black people , asean or european..i just dont care...but non of them that i can call my best - true friends..seeing others sharing their interest, jokes, problems and anything makes me wonder are they best friends????..i shared mine too with my friends..so does it make them my best buddy?? or does it make me their best budd??? ..why people who we call BEST FRIENDS is so important to us (not me..im still confused..) ??..i asked some of my friends about their thoug..their answer were so damn boring...they said best friends are people where you can lean on to...rely on when no one else does ..well im totally agree with that but does family means nothing to them ????..why dont they rely on their family..???..i thoug that maybe for some reason..FAMILY CANNOT BE TRUSTED !!..they just dont understand us in some situation...so in dis hard time, best friends r needed most...another fact that i agree..but (there always a BUT) in my case... i hv a friends that always so dependable on me ..she keep asking for help ...from her biggest prob to the smallest..its all on me..life become so hard for me when shes around..at first i didnt notice that how shes being some kind of burden for me..until something happen..my friends told me that im not me when shes around...loitered and wasting time ...thingkin' about her probs..tried to solve it (which i eventually did)..they saw some changes in me..(its hard to describe by words..)...for sometimes, i just ignored what they said, but then i started to realise that shes just too much..i couldnt take it anymore..how could i be besides her 24 hour a day and 7 days a week..listening to her telling me all her probs , leaving my own prob behinds..???????...im so stupid....when i think back all the time i spend with her...im regret...having her as my BEST friends..for quite sometimes i believe in miracles ..hoping that she would leave me.. alone....continuing her life without me..(she did !!...im so happy..)...as time goes by..we're become matured..slowly she been disconnected with me..i heard nothing from her..not a single word...hmmmm...sometimes i hated her..but sometimes ....argh !!....difficult to expressed my feeling tho..shes sad ..i knew that..because im the only friend that she trusted ..just imagine when ur only friend that u rely on saying that she / he doesn't want to be ur best budd anymore without any reason???????. what do you feel ?? ..... must be feels like killing her/him with ur barehand huh?..huhuhuhu..i bet she feels that way too...but i cant help it...i hv life to live for..i think that its better for both of us to be apart.....am i bad for runnig away just like that from her???..am i bad to hurt her feeling ?????....am i bad as a friends ????????...am i deserve to be others best friends based on wht ive done?????????...

3 comments:

azie said...

hey,is this based on ur own xperience???wow,never thought u could hav something like that..to tell u the truth,love urself more than anyone else(cruel but nowadays,its the best).we dont make fren with someone that turn our life miserable.but if its mutual,then its fine.if not,go to hell with it..finding a best fren is not easy 4 me either..fren??yes.but best fren,naahh..so,dun wory,u've done the right thing.live life to the fullest!!!!enjoyyyy.......

arEnA said...

thnxs for the comment jiji cumel!!
yup..based on my real life xperience...im glad im not the only one thingking that way..
at least ade geng..hehehe..

azie said...

sure do...dun wory,plenty of others will have the same thought.mmg rmai geng pnye lah..haha...